The Great European Superiority Lie! The Grass is Always Greener!

by David Urbanic
Rock Journalist, Film Creator

The last few days of the Spring 2008 European Tour have brought rest and relaxation to Zelazowa, and some time to regroup after a challenging run of sub-par shows. After leaving Lyon, France on Monday, Zelazowa headed out of France and into Switzerland, looking for an afternoon and evening of sightseeing, fine dining, and the intake of some local libations. We arrived in Geneva, Switzerland early Tuesday evening and were greeted by the lovely town of Geneva, a picturesque community with a local population comprised heavily of not just attractive women in tights, but also Sherpas.

Things were looking up for the team of road weary travelers! Then we accidentally crossed back into France and the shit continued to hit the fan. Five blocks over the border we found a hotel with vacancies. Though this was a luxury that Geneva itself could not offer us, the extra time it took to locate the lodging then get checked in left us high and dry in terms of finding food and wine. It seems that all stores in Switzerland/France close between six thirty and eight o’clock in the evening.

Not that it matters, because you would not be able to afford anything there anyway. In Switzerland they do not use the Euro, but rather the Swiss Franc. Where the Euro is much more valuable than the US dollar, the Swiss Franc is only 3 percent more valuable than the US dollar. You would think that this would be good news for someone traveling through Europe for over a month, getting their pocketbook annihilated by the Euro exchange rate. Wrong! In Switzerland everything just costs more. You’re paying almost 1:1 Franc to US, but a sandwich that costs $4.00 in the United States delightfully costs $11.00 in Switzerland! A $1.00 bottle of Coca-Cola in America costs between $3-4 in Switzerland! In the other countries that use the Euro things tend to be much more expensive, but not as shockingly, outlandishly expensive as here in Switzerland. A $6.00 whiskey in America costs $12.00 in Switzerland. A glass of the least expensive, unimpressive beer at an average bar costs $6.00.

Thus brings me to my conclusion that anyone who opens their mouth about how full of shit the United States is, and how great Europe is, and how great their economy is, is basically talking out of their asshole. All over the United States people harp on how bad our economy is. How worthless our dollar is. How superior Europe is and ahead of the times, and how strong their economy is, and how great the Euro is. So many of the people we have met, nice as they are, make the point of telling us, surprise, how little Europeans think of America and our government. Blah, blah, blah. Tell me something I haven’t heard a thousand times a day in my own country. I particularly like how in every country you go to, the people there feel the need to talk about how bad America is, but as an American I am constantly supposed to be worried about insulting people’s national pride in their country. It seems the French are very proud of their language, big surprise, and if you cannot speak the language properly, with all of the appropriate nuances, and linguistic dialects, you are seen in a rather negative light. In Spain, even if you speak Spanish, if you only know the more common Mexican or Puerto Rican Spanish that we learn and hear in America, you are seen with some disdain. In general you are expected to honor their language and traditions if you can, but you are also expected to agree with and accept the bashing and hatred of America by people who have never been to America.

Perhaps I am painting a more negative picture than my experience has allowed, but I stand by my point. Everyone hates America, with little true life experience to back it up. Americans hate America even though they have never traveled to another country. Europeans hate America when they have never been to America. The grass is always greener on the other side, and damn you if you try to tell someone otherwise! All of the people we have met and stayed with have been really nice and extremely hospitable and accommodating, but I wonder what they would have thought of us if I had started making negative comments about their country.

This is my solution to the problem of bitchy American pundits who think Europe is so great, and European twenty-somethings who think America is so bad. Buy a plane ticket and travel overseas. Americans will be shocked to find that, exchange rate aside, many things just cost more in Europe. All of that free healthcare, no sales tax and government programs that we think Europe is so ahead of the time on has a price, and that price is $4.00 for a Coke. Europeans will find themselves in America rich, with bottomless pocketbooks. Someone from Switzerland will arrive in the US with exactly the same amount of money they had in their pocket back home, and will wonder why they can go into a bar and order a sandwich, a coke, and three alcoholic drinks for $15! They will think they were only being charged for the sandwich! They will wonder why they can go to the gas station in the United States, fuel prices aside, and pay $3.50 for a huge American hoagie when they pay $7.50 for a small deli sandwich at the local bakery back home. These prices have been based on my own experience, though the overall price difference certainly doesn’t apply to everything. I speak also in terms of “first impressions.” On my first trip to Europe, I have been here for only a little over two weeks. I realize some of my observations here are generalities, and things do change from country to country.

In Spain they tend to give you humongous drinks at the bar, for prices that are often more reasonable than a drink half that size in America. Sandwiches and the like from street vendors tend to be reasonably priced especially when you consider the overall quality of the food tends to be much better than from a similar vendor in America. Also, a lot of people in all of the European countries speak English. If a non English speaking French person were to travel to America, they would be very lucky to find someone who could translate for them or even understand their order at the deli! Also, the French seem more willing to work with you on figuring things out if they don’t understand you than the Spanish or the Swiss.

On the other hand a lot do not speak English, especially at the gas stations. The gas stations are consistently a thousand times better than most you will find on the side of a highway in America, but lack services we take for granted like ATM machines. ATM machines as a whole seem to be few and far between in Europe, and Visa is most certainly not everywhere you want to be. In America, most small local stores, bakeries and vendors take credit cards, but caveat emptor to those who try to make a purchase without actual money in their pocket in Europe!

But, I digress. The point is, ignorance and looking down on other cultures is as universal as looking up to other cultures having never lived their way of life. Everywhere has its high and low points. The French have free healthcare and sky-high taxes. We have $1.00 Cokes and MTOs and Hawaii.

Switzerland ended up being decent, despite the expensive alcohol. We were lucky to have a good place to stay with our excellent host Marc, from the Swiss rock group Nowhere. Zelazowa were lucky enough to share the stage the next night with Nowhere at one of the best venues we have seen to date on this tour. The Rock City Sound Cave in Uster, Switzerland! A high class joint with extremely hospitable backstage accommodations, and friendly, extremely efficient personnel. The show went well, though the turnout in a small town like Uster on a Wednesday. Still, Zelazowa sold some merchandise, made some money from the venue, and found themselves back in the groove after two days of rest, delivering an electrifying set!

Today is Thursday and the songsmiths find themselves in Germany, resting, relaxing, catching up on some much needed work and preparation for the recording of their new full length album, which will commence soon after the completion of the European tour. Tomorrow, Zelazowa brings the noise to the German people. Better keep your eye on the International News section of the local paper.